Who would you be without your story?
Every one of us has a story. Each of us as human beings has a story about our life and ourselves that either empowers us or disempowers us. The story either shuts us down or opens us up to new possibilities. At our highest, our story exists to protect us, to help us grow and to help us function and make sense of the world around us. More often, our story developed to protect us and allow our ego to make sense of the world. However, it ends up defining us and limiting us. It dictates the course of our lives. The beliefs we have about ourselves that lie dormant in our subconscious support our story and direct our life. Our ego holds on tight to our story. But we can choose when and if we let it go.
What is the main culprit for keeping our story? Resistance. The minute we think this “shouldn’t” be happening, we are in resistance and we hold on even tighter to our story. When we see our self as the victim in our story, we are in resistance. How do we know we are in our story? Our story is the noise that is always in the background in our minds. The noise, the negative talk that we all have, is our story. The limiting beliefs and our excuses for why we can’t have what we want; is our story. When we listen to the noise, it defines our choices and limits everything we do.
There is an exercise we do in a ski camp that I have been going to for years called: The Magic of Skiing (Tom Crum). One person stands behind their partner and puts their arms around the partner’s upper body and holds them. The partner tries to walk across the room with the heavy person holding them back. This is what it feels like when we go through life with our stories on our back. We repeat this exercise but the second time we are looking through the wall in front of us feeling empowered and free from our story and when we walk forward this time; we actually sail across the room. It is always interesting to watch people do this for the first time because it is always dramatic to witness and people are amazed. That exercise is a perfect example of what happens in our life. Our story holds us back and we can’t move forward.
How do we step out of our story? When we step towards our story, we accept everything we don’t like or don’t want. We let go of all of our “should-a” “could-a” “would-a”. We embrace the parts of our story that we haven’t been able to accept. Another exercise we do in the Magic of Skiing is from the marshal arts Aikido. When our opponent grabs us and we resist, (like we do in our story), we are met with more resistance. However, when we lean in to the opponent and go with their flow, we are met with no resistance and it is easy. The same applies in our lives. When we can embrace our story just as it is, we continue to go with the flow and not against the flow. We move forward with acceptance and surrender to what is, instead of staying stuck in the past with excuses and resistance.
An easy way to look at this is to think of our life and every single thing that has happened to us, as a separate ingredient in our unique recipe. Every ingredient is a lump in our big mixing bowl. When we can learn from each experience, and look at the lessons and gifts and accept everything that has happened: only then; as Debbie Ford would say, can all of the lumps be blended in to our very own special and amazing recipe. Without the exact traumas and wounds as well as joys, we wouldn’t be able to extract the wisdom and learn the lessons the Universe intended us to learn. It is our unique recipe. When we truly integrate all of our experiences, the dark and the light, can we truly shine and be the extraordinary human beings we were meant to be. The lumps are merely your unique interpretation of an event, they are not even an accurate portrayal of what may or may not have happened. Your batter can be smooth and well balanced not simply through eradicating lumps but not generating them (through your thoughts) in the first place.
Each of us has wounds and each of us has drama. We each have been victims. But what we do with that and how long we hold on to it; is up to us. As Debbie Ford says, “We are both the victim and the victor. But some think they can only be the victim. (The Answers are Within You. Debbie Ford) Blame is the saboteur of our lives. It is the cloud that covers our sun. To move outside our story, we need to let go of blaming someone else and at least accept that we are the co-creator of our story. Even when we can’t see how this is true, we need to accept that it is. Sometimes it is simply that our beliefs and projections have brought people and situations in to our lives to teach us the lessons we needed to learn. Sometimes that is all we need to accept to understand we are the co-creator of our story. This acceptance brings freedom. This is what allows us to move beyond our story. It frees us from the binds that hold us as the victim and blamer. It gives us the ability to forgive those who we need to forgive because without them we would not have learned the lessons we needed to learn so we could grow to be the most magnificent person we can become. The resentments of our past show up in our future unless we forgive and move forward. The most important forgiveness is for the self. Only then can we see our potential and our greatness. Only then can we ask ourselves how are we going to use our recipe? What can we teach others and how can we serve others with what we have learned? You can be an amazing contribution to the world. Only you have the gifts and lessons that you have. Everyone is standing on the sidelines, waiting to cheer you on as you let your greatness shine. Your story will always be a part of you. Yet only you can choose to learn your lessons and acknowledge your gifts and step beyond your story. So again I ask the question:
Who would you be without your story?
If you would like to explore your story, please contact me for a complementary interview session. It would be my pleasure to help you move forward to your best self and the future you envision.
Peace and light,
Nancy