As an Empowered Parent Coach and the author of the upcoming book, Bigger, Better Braver: Conquer Your Fears, Embrace your Courage and Transform Your Life; I support my clients by giving them the tools to empower themselves and their children.
As parents we tend to protect our children and “do” for them to insure they succeed. Those are good intentions. The risks in doing for them, however, are significant: cutting them off from developing self-worth and increasing their life skills.
I observe parents of children of all ages who usurp responsibility from the lives of their children that in turn teaches children not to take responsibility for themselves. I am not saying it is easy sometimes for us parents to let go and allow the lives of our children to play out free of our control. But it is what you must do for the children to grow and be successful. By surrendering to what is, and knowing everything happens for a reason, you can allow your children to have their own experiences, their own failures, and their own successes.
Failure is a necessary ingredient of success. The two are not opposites. Think of failure as falling forward and not backward, as a steppingstone that teaches resilience. Children can learn to believe more in themselves when they fail. They can learn to stand up and try something over and over again. They can see failure as a teacher of lessons.
If you change your views on failure, your children will do the same and see failure as part of the feedback they need and deserve on their way to success. Help them be excited in the doing and not the finished product.
Failure is not the bad thing it’s made out to be. Children must understand how so many successful people have failed repeatedly before they found success. For them, failure was an essential part of their journey, which is what you should be teaching your children.
I use the mantra Bigger, Better, Braver with my young grandchildren. I help them see that it is okay to have fear about doing something, but to do it anyway. Each time they try something new, I point out how they are being Bigger, Better, Braver. They call me often to tell me, “Nana I was Bigger Better Braver today,” and are so proud of themselves. Nothing thrills me more hearing that and seeing them think that way. I can see the joy on their faces. I point out that when they do something they feared doing, in the end they wind up feeling so good about themselves.
Even for our young children, the juice is in the journey. As parents we need to encourage growth and curiosity to try things, regardless of outcome. When you teach your children to try new things, and not worry about the result, they develop a growth instead of a fixed mindset, which opens them to become resilient, experience the joy of adventure and step beyond their comfort zones.
I have clients and friends who helicopter their adult children. I don’t know if it’s a control thing or the need to be indispensable, but I can see how their grown children are stilted by relying on their parents instead of becoming as capable as them. Guide your children, but back the hell off, and let them have their own experiences and their own growth. No matter what the age of your children, let them go, let them learn. When they fail, cheer them on and when they try something themselves, cheer them for the trying, and not for the outcome, and help them find the valuable information in the experience. Put less emphasis on the results and more on the process and the benefits.
Do you want to help your children? That is the best way to do it.
Bigger, Better, Braver is much more than a mantra. It is a way of life. Put the time in now to instill the blessings of failure with your children and then let go. The more they fail as young children and learn the value from the experience, the more successful they will be.
Empowered Parenting is a gift you can give yourself and your children. If you want to learn more about it, visit my website at: https://nancypickard.wpengine.com or schedule a complementary session at: https://calendly.com/nancy-66/coaching-session
Blessings and light,
Nancy
P.S. You can find me on instagram @nancypickardlifecoach